If you’re planning to go out for the night to a social club or bar to do some flirting or dating, the first thing to concern yourself with is vital, and it’s safety. Preferably go out with at least one other person, and think about how you’re going to get home. Perhaps arrange to call someone half-way through the evening, or if you get into trouble. (If you arrange for someone to call you, make sure you can tell your phone is ringing!)

You need to know that although you do not usually make the initial approach, you are of course trying to get a man to do that, and that takes a lot of confidence. Make it easier for him by being alone or in a small group of people. Alternatively, you could try keeping with a larger group, which will ensure you only get approached by more confident men! If your group includes men, try to make it clear that you are not with any of them by not being too close to them if possible! Keep an awareness of your body language while performing the following steps, making sure it is open and friendly.

The flirting stages are as follows:

1. You see someone you like across the club floor. The objective is to get him to make an approach. At this point, catch his eye for a bit longer than normally comfortable, smile broadly, look away and look back again. The next thing to try is tossing your hair while looking at him. Then keep looking at him for a while. You could try dancing alone to whatever music is playing, if you’re in a nightclub. Beckon towards an empty seat if you are sitting down. If he approaches, success! If he doesn’t after you’ve sent this many green lights, maybe he is not interested; this could be for any number of reasons, so the best bet is to move on.

2. You got his attention? Good! He’s come over and started a conversation. Use the small talk tips that are to be found elsewhere on this site to keep the conversation going through all of the following stages. The next stage is to turn towards him. Start with your face, follow with your shoulders, torso, and finally legs and feet. If he does the same, he is showing interest, and it will help the flirting to proceed.

3. Once you are ready, touch him! If you’re not confident enough to do that, position yourself such that you are close enough for him to touch you. You could touch him to point something out, to move both of you somewhere quieter, or even to remove a piece of imaginary lint. You will be sending a powerful signal by doing this. People like to be touched. If he touches you, return the touch. Expect him to return the touch if you do it first.

4. The next stage is called mirroring, and often happens subconsciously. You will both adopt similar postures, and when one person changes something, the other often follows suit within about a minute. To get to this stage quickly, you can obviously adopt whatever posture he has, and then adjust it as he does—not too soon after he does, and without giving the impression that you are doing whatever he does! You can then start to lean forward towards him (if you are sitting down), perhaps move closer to him so that you can hear him better, and he may well do the same. To flirt successfully, it’s best to be at least a little bit closer than you would be if you were “just friends,” even if that’s all you are at that point!

If you follow these stages and keep the conversation going, things should go well for you! Where to go from here will be the subject of an article to come on this site, so keep a look-out for it!