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Dutch dating, or “to go dutch,” is the process of dating somebody in any way where each person covers their own costs. This means that if you are going for a meal together, you both pay independently for what you buy. In this article I am assuming a man and a woman are dating.

Whether this approach is for you is something that you will have to decide. If you are a man, are you looking for a woman who is independent and not looking for a free meal ticket for life? Or do you see yourself more as the type of person who “brings home the bacon,” as it were, and prefer to pay the entire tab yourself?

Women may wish to go dutch for other reasons. Usually if one person pays on a first date, it would be the man; it demonstrates an attitude of fairness if the woman offers to pay for herself. Some women may not even be comfortable if their date pays for them. On the other hand, other women may wish to “test” their potential suitor to see whether he will pay, and is capable of providing for any future family that may occur.

If a man is paying for a first date, it can also set up an undesirable situation in which either or both parties think that the woman owes something to the man in question. This situation can be avoided completely by going dutch.

Going dutch can also avoid the situation in which one person’s tab is significantly higher than the other’s. For example, assuming the man is paying for dinner and a soft drink for himself, and the woman has gone for a starter, the most expensive dinner on the menu, a dessert and wine, this could set up a resentment situation, which neither of you will wish for.

Both people can have reasons for preferring the approach to be dutch or man paying, so the decision you should take if you want to do what the other person wants may be difficult to make without making assumptions. The way I handle this situation at the start of a relationship is to go dutch, because that I feel in the modern era is the fair way to go about dating, and I don’t worry about losing a woman because she wasn’t prepared to pay for herself. There are plenty of women out there, after all! But this approach will not suit everybody; I am a somewhat selfish person.