This one’s not just for the women; it’s also for the men, whether single or attached! I’m aiming this article at men. I can speak from experience here which I will relate in this article. For those of you that don’t know, Ann Summers is a shop that targets women as their main customer base. They sell lingerie products and saucy toys and games. The lingerie is to be found at the front of each store, along with mildly saucy items such as handcuffs and sexy board games. Once you go further into the store—in Cardiff UK, past a red curtain extending a short distance along the store—you find hotter items that I cannot talk about here. If you don’t have an Ann Summers store near you, see if you can find something similar, but try not to make it a sex shop that targets men.

Now, as Ann Summers targets women, you will feel apprehensive if you go into the store as a man on your own. I have read that the staff often smell alcohol on the breath of men who go into the store on their own. (Try to avoid the alcohol; it’s better if you don’t need it to go into the store!) I did it on a weekday morning about three weeks before Christmas while my car was being serviced, and there were very few other people in the shop, save for about half a dozen members of staff. The staff (all female) were very friendly, and offered to help me pick out any items if I had any trouble. I probably spent about half an hour looking through the store, and it wasn’t long before the nerves were gone, and I felt reasonably comfortable in the store. I ended up finding a board game I wanted to buy as a Christmas present.

I’m a reasonably confident man, but I’m not about to parade up and down a shopping centre with an Ann Summers shopping bag on display! Neither did I want to have the item I was going to purchase on display; it was raining anyway, so the board game would have been spoilt. I asked them if they did any plain shopping bags, and unfortunately they didn’t. I think they must lose out on a few sales because of this. Anyway, as I wanted to buy some things from other stores, I continued my shopping elsewhere, and finally returned to Ann Summers to buy what I wanted; then I was able to hide the game and the bag in one of the other shopping bags.

The visit was worth doing for three reasons. First of all, the board game I found did manage to raise the temperature when I my girlfriend opened it at Christmas! Secondly, and more importantly, it enhanced my confidence. I visited the shop a second time with my girlfriend after Christmas, and I think I impressed her with my confidence; I did not feel apprehensive at all on this second visit! As you probably know, the sexiest thing a woman can find about a man is his confidence. The third reason was curiosity!

Should you visit the store if you are single? Of course! You can always pretend you have a girlfriend for whom you are shopping if need be, and you don’t have to buy anything. Once you’ve done that, you’ll have no problem walking around any clothing store that sells sexy lingerie. It’s important that you spend enough time in there on your own that your apprehensive feelings become a thing of the past. This has to be worth an hour of your time! And if you already have a partner, I suggest you go in alone first. That way you can get rid of any fears that may be in place when you visit with her. You can either pretend you’ve never been there before, or you can guide her to what she wants to see, or even what you want her to see!

Note that, naturally, you should only visit the store as a couple if you and your partner are open-minded enough to not be offended by any of the items on display. Some coarse language is used within the store; too coarse for me to print here. As long as you’re both happy to proceed, then you will end up enhancing your sex life and your confidence!

If you want to see the sort of things available from the shop before you pay them a visit, follow this link to Ann Summers.

Supermarkets aren’t just for picking up groceries! You can pick up potential dates as well. You need to know a few things about shopping for girls or guys at the supermarket before you start, though.

First thing, if you’re going right in and asking for a date, the rejection rate is going to be huge. That’s why you have to know what to look for, so that you can reduce that rejection rate and make things a bit easier for yourself. The list includes the following:

1. Wedding ring or engagement ring. Worn on the third finger of the left hand, it indicates that the person is already in a committed relationship. You can of course talk to them, but don’t expect to be shredding the sheets with them!

2. Anybody they came in with. If there are no obvious signs of anybody else, it’s safe to proceed, but do bear in mind that they could have come in with a special person that has gone somewhere else in the shop to pick something up.

3. What they have in their trolley or basket. Somebody stocking up on nappies is likely to be a mother in a relationship! Someone who has bought lots of frozen ready-meals is far less likely to have a family. In fact, it may be a good idea to wander around the frozen food aisles.

4. What is the time? The best times for supermarket flirting are after work and the weekend. Most people won’t have time to flirt at lunch time as they have a deadline to get back to work. However, once work is over, it’s a different story!

Now you have to know what techniques to use, and these will be broadly similar whether you’re male or female.

• Put yourself in his/her place. How would you like to be approached? If you’re a girl and a guy came up and asked you to go out with him, you’d only agree if you were desperate. If you’re a guy and a girl came up and asked you to go out with her, you’d think she was too easy. This technique clearly won’t work, so don’t do it!
• To open, you could ask a question. Perhaps you are a shortish girl, and you want somebody to reach for something? It’s fine as an opener, but do realise that you will have to quickly conjure up something to continue the conversation! Chances are your motive will be displayed on a big neon sign when you carry on the conversation, but that may not be a bad thing, especially if he fancies you! Maybe you could ask something like, “Sorry to bother you, but what’s your opinion of that frozen chicken tikka masala?” as they pick it up. Or perhaps something like, “What lovely nails! I’ve never seen nails like those before. Where do you go to have them done?” Of course, check to see that she does have good nails before you ask something like that!
• People don’t usually come to the supermarket to flirt. If you both did, that’s fine! If not, realise that it may take a few sentences before people pick up on the fact that you wish to make conversation with them, let alone flirt with them. This is just something to bear in mind.
• If the conversation starts to run out of steam, but you would still like to see them again, you’ve got nothing to lose by asking immediately for a date. Make it something light, that would be nice and easy to agree to, like lunch somewhere, or arrange to meet up for a cup of coffee at a local coffee house. The chances are low that you will succeed with this approach, but if you do get rejected then it’s unlikely that the rejection will be harsh. Always remember that it’s their loss if they decide not to go out with you.

I was once asked by a girl in the supermarket about wines. The conversation went something like this:

“Excuse me, do you know what wine would go well with beef?”

Looking up, I said, “I’m sorry, I don’t know much about wine.” At this point, I expected the conversation to finish.

“I don’t know much about wine either!” she said.

“Right,” I said, broke eye contact, and returned to my shopping.

I thought about the conversation later, and it was then clear to me that because the girl continued with the conversation after it had dried up, she was actually being friendly! It may have been the start of an attempt to pick me up! If it was, the fact that it failed had more to do with how I felt at the time than anything to do with her, because I had just come out of a long-term relationship, and was not seeking to get with anyone else at the time. The point is that you should not be discouraged by things like this. If you get a rejection, or you can’t sustain the conversation, don’t worry about it. There are three billion people of the opposite sex in the world, so just move on to the next one!

This suggestion is aimed more at the girls among you! Attending martial arts schools is a definite way of meeting people, especially guys as it attracts more males than females. I personally recommend only certain styles, though, and I also have tips for aspiring martial artists.

A style is a specific martial art with its own set of movements, such as Karate, Judo, Tae-Kwon Do, or Boxing. Some of these styles are categorised as “hard”; these typically concentrate more on linear movements such as punches and kicks. Some of them are “soft”; these tend to look towards circular movements such as throws and blocks. The hard arts are more likely to result in injuries, and are more painful than the soft arts. I therefore recommend that you choose a soft art, such as Judo or Aikido, if you are looking mainly to meet people. I will describe these styles in this article. Be aware that in both of them, you are quite likely to end up rolling around on the floor with members of the opposite sex! Also you end up touching your opponents a great deal. Excellent for flirting!

Judo is a sport that will appeal to the more competitive amongst you; typically, that means the men. The idea is to deflect the power of your opponent’s attack, harnessing it and channeling it to change the position of your opponent in such a way as to gain the upper hand. Judo means the “gentle way” and it’s a reasonably soft art, especially at the lower levels of ability. It is an unarmed combat style.

Aikido may be classified as a more “feminine” art, as the purpose of this art is to obtain the upper hand without causing any lasting damage to your opponent. It is a softer art than Judo. It is not a sport, and one of the aims of the art is to improve the art of your opponent through cooperation rather than competition. This tends to be more attractive to women. Aikido means “the way of harmony of the spirit,” and some of the techniques involve weapons.

Judo and Aikido are quite common, and there are plenty of schools to choose from. If you have a choice of school to attend in your area, go to each school, watch a session, perhaps take part - many schools offer an initial free lesson - and don’t be afraid to ask questions of the Senseis (the instructors) and their students. You want to know what it’s like to train at the school. Is it fun? Will you get on with the people there? You also want to know how much it costs. Prices vary considerably, and especially you may find that some schools charge above the usual lesson rate for gradings, whereas others do not. These charges can be steep, especially at the higher grades! I have heard of some schools charging £500 for a black belt grading! What equipment will you need, and how much will that cost? You need also to be sure of the credentials of the master Sensei, and finally you need to know that the school is insured to perform the art, and that you will be insured against causing injury to others if you join.

If you go along to participate, wear a T-shirt and loose-fitting trousers; try not to wear jewellery; and be aware that you will be expected to remove your shoes and socks. There is no need to buy a suit immediately; try your chosen art for several sessions before you decide to spend money, where possible. Make sure that if you attend a school and have not been there before, that any martial artists’ belt you take with you is a white belt; these are universally accepted, whereas other colours usually signify people who have passed gradings and therefore possess a greater ability and a rank that reflects this in many styles. If the style you chose uses weapons, you may find that weapons are available to be loaned during the session.