Small talk is a skill that takes practise to develop, and experts in the art of small talk make you feel right at home with them straight away! What you are looking to achieve when you practise your small talk is to make conversation with somebody without awkward pauses about light topics. If you can manage that, and be actively interested in the conversation, then you’ll do fine!

If you’re reading this article, the chances are good that you’re not that great at small talk. You’ve probably had plenty of situations where you’re trying to think of something to say, and that awkward pause rears its ugly head again! Hopefully this article will help steer you onto the right path towards becoming a small talk expert!

Closed questions are questions for which a one-word answer will suffice, such as “Yes” or “No.” “Do you live close by?” is an example of such a question. The trouble with these questions is that if the person you are talking to responds with a short answer like “Yes,” there is nothing to latch on to that will allow you to develop the conversation further. It’s best to avoid asking this type of question. If you are asked a closed question, you can help the small talk by giving further details in your reply, and by asking a question in return. For example, a possible reply to “Do you live close by?” would be “Yes, I live about a quarter of a mile away, in the new housing estate. What do you think of the area?”

The question included in the answer given above is an example of an open question. Open questions are questions that require an answer with greater depth, such as, “I’m hosting a dinner party tonight. What wine would you recommend, and why?” The answer will give you more time and more information to allow you to move the conversation forward. Try to ask more of this sort of question and you will improve your small talk skills by leaps and bounds!

It’s definitely worth asking questions about the person you are talking to, especially if you can notice details about them while doing so. For example, you could ask about the coat they are wearing. When they tell you where they got it, you could ask them what they like about that store, and what other stores they like to frequent! If you find they have a favourite subject, such as fashion, ask them lots of questions about that subject. People love to talk about themselves, so if you give them a chance, you can do plenty of listening and still come across as a great conversationalist! This is where you can start to really excel at the art of small talk.

You should also pay attention to your body language, making sure it is open and relaxed; leaning forward slightly, open arms and legs are in; leaning back with crossed arms and legs are definitely out! Also, be animated while you are talking. Moving your arms helps to illustrate points that you are making, and listening to someone speaking in a voice that naturally rises and falls in pitch is far more interesting than listening to somebody speaking in a monotone!

Try to catch their name, and use it every now and again. Three times or so in a first conversation would be good. Make sure you don’t sound patronising, though. You’re looking to remember their name if possible; you will score highly if you can do this well; and also, people love hearing their name!

There are certain subjects you should avoid if you are meeting someone for the first time, and want to move things forward. These are any subject that could be potentially explosive, such as religious views and politics. Try also not to bring the news into the conversation, except for light-hearted “dead donkey” pieces. Talking about someone who was murdered on the high street probably won’t get you invited to dinner very quickly!

The vital thing that you must do to improve your small talk skills is to practise! Practise wherever and whenever you can. Practise at parties, down the local bar, at the supermarket and on the high street. You will also improve your confidence. In fact, go and do some practising the very next opportunity you get! There’s no time like the present to improve your small talk skills.

This is part of the story of how I got together with Sarah, my current sweetheart. I am especially appreciative of Valentine’s Day because of it!

I had first met Sarah four months ago while dancing. (See the “Things to try” category if you want more information about dancing.) She hadn’t really interested me at the time, truth be told. She did keep coming to my house after the once-a-week dancing sessions, but we were still only friends. We were growing closer, however.

I had an idea! When it came to Valentine’s Day, an idea popped into my head that just had to be acted upon! Sarah and I had exchanged mobile phone numbers at this point, and I thought it would be fun to do what I had in mind.

I sent her a text in the form of a poem:

“Regarding my identity,
A secret, shall be mine.
That’s how things are meant to be,
My dear Valentine!”

Now, of course, Sarah would have known that the text was from me, had I used my normal phone. I had a spare mobile phone that is hardly ever used, but still connected to the network! Can you see where this is leading?

Of course, you’ve guessed what happened. I sent her the Valentine’s Day message from the spare phone. I also set up the answerphone greeting as follows: “Have you figured out who it is yet?” I used a disguised, falsetto voice.

The day after Valentine’s Day, we went dancing, as we usually would do on Tuesday evening. I did not refer to the text. While I was walking Sarah back to her home, she commented on the text, and said it was unusual. She asked me if I had sent it. I replied that she knew my mobile phone number, so if I had sent it then she would have known it was me. I was, of course, dying to laugh! Luckily, I’m good at keeping a straight face when the moment requires it.

By the next day, Sarah had plucked up enough courage to phone the number that the text came from, so of course, she got my answerphone message. She then rang me later on that day. “Mystery solved! It was just some woman trying to send a message to her boyfriend, and she must have sent it to the wrong number.” So, Sarah still had no clue as to what was going on! And, well, I guess I’m good at sounding like a woman if I put my mind to it!

I changed the answerphone message again, and then, later that day, I sent her another text, this time from my usual phone. “Sarah, the conclusion you have drawn regarding the identity of your mystery messenger is incorrect! Please call the number again, and all will be revealed.”

When Sarah called the number again, she was greeted with my natural voice this time. “Sarah, the text was from me all along! This is a spare phone of mine from which I sent it. I recorded a new answerphone message yesterday, some time after dance class, and I disguised my voice to hide my identity. Let me make it up to you! How about dinner at the Toby Carvery, Friday night, I’m buying, and I’ll pick you up at the time of your choosing. Let me know what you decide on my main number!”

The date went well, and the rest, as they say, is history. All thanks to Valentine’s Day!

If you’re at a social club or a bar or somewhere else where there are groups of girls out to meet people, which ones should you tend to aim to flirt with, and possibly end up dating? Take a good look at what the girls are doing. If they are just scanning the crowd, not talking to each other very much, this means one of two things. They may be desperate for a date, which may well be a type of girl to go for if you need to build up your confidence, but you may not find there’s much inside; or they may be looking for entertainment, which is likely to be hard work.

It is generally better to try flirting with groups of girls that are spending a good proportion of their time talking to one another, but are also looking around. These are probably interesting girls to meet, and if the group is open enough that you could easily join it, that’s another good sign. If the girls aren’t looking around at all, they aren’t interested in meeting anyone else! Look also for open body language. Folded arms and legs are not good signs; lively, lighthearted conversation is what you’re looking for!

Once you’ve spotted somebody you fancy in an open group, before you put your foot in it, test the water. Start your flirting now, by looking at the girl for about four or five seconds. Look away for a couple of seconds with a small smile on your face, then look back again. If she’s caught your eye and has a slight smile on her face, you’re in with a good chance. The next stage is to walk up to the group, and begin your routine. It may well involve walking somewhere with a purpose in mind, and “accidentally” brushing against her. She will know you’re flirting, which is exactly what you want, and you’ll know whether it’s worth continuing to flirt by whatever she says or does next! You’ll either get a playful smile or something similar, which is a green light to go ahead, or you’ll get an icy stare or something like that, which is a signal to go away.

Don’t worry about getting rejected; remember, you’re the prize, and if she’s not interested then it’s her loss. If she rejected you in a harsh way, would you have wanted her anyway? If you worry too much, then your lack of confidence will be broadcast for all to see by your body language. Also, remember that it doesn’t matter whether you end up dating this girl or not. There are plenty of single, available girls out there! A great way to build your confidence is to keep doing this until you are comfortable doing it!

It’s best to either join the group on your own; you will be displaying a lot of confidence if you do this, which is very attractive; or with one other guy. Don’t travel in packs when you’re flirting; it just doesn’t work. It’s far too off-putting.

Once you’ve joined the group, don’t ignore the rest of the people there; that would be rude. However, do concentrate most of your attention on the girl you fancy. Otherwise she will not get the idea that you are interested in her, or she may think you’ve gone off her!

If things continue to go well, you’ll want to find some reason to touch her! I’m not talking about a handshake or a peck on the cheek, either. If she is close to your personal space, then she’s looking to be touched, actually. Perhaps hold her arm lightly while you point something out to her. Touch does make a great deal of difference, and it should be high on the list in your flirting repertoire! As she and you get more comfortable with touching each other, you can then start to be more daring with your flirting! Who knows, maybe you’ll get as far as a first kiss, or even further, tonight!